Valentine's day, the day when guys cry for their money and girls shun their ugly dates.
A post late by two days, and I apologise to any people bothering to come read this blog and yea. I'm gonna update now. I didn't have the mood to blog on Friday due to someone asking me to remove a post. Saturday I was listening to a really nice song the whole day, and thus, conveniently forgetting to blog. And to all readers, please tag at my tagboard before leaving, it'll be highly appreciated.
On to Valentine's day, where guys spend a exorbitant amount of money on their crushes. For the girls, if their dates are kinda ugly, they will avoid him like they are drooling consistently and have mucus dripping from their noses. Alright, it can't be that serious, but sometimes, even the impossible might be possible. And I'm here to help guys to spend a not-so-memorable Valentine, so you don't have a choice but to read on.
1: Ask the girl if you can be her Valentine. Eliminate all competition before asking her. E.g
Guy: Can you be my Valentine?
Female: But I promised so and so that..
Guy: Screw that guy la. He's in hospital.
Female: Then maybe I'm gonna go for..
Guy: All your yan daos in hospital. So can you be my Valentine?
Female (no choice but has to resign to fate): Fine.
A challenging way to get a date, and it might not work. You can just knock those suckers out, tie them up, gag them and throw them in a broom cupboard. It will be better if you blindfold them.
2: If you got a girl already, then this is a must do step. Buy her gifts, preferably femine gifts. You can also give her condoms, since females love to give each other condoms. I don't know why, but it has been the trend since 3 years ago. And guys, females love the flavour strawberry. Maybe I'm wrong, but I only know of the strawberry flavour. You can also get your dates SM tools, corsets, push-up bras, g-strings and gifts that look femine to you.
3: Next, you must have a credit card that has loads of money inside. Or if you don't want to spend a single cent, you just bring your girl to a deserted place and fuck the hell outta her, using the condom use just bought. (Applies to horny females only. Use with caution. There might be polic nearby.) Cause if you bring the girl to a shopping mall, when they say something looks cute, and you will be tempted to buy that toy for her. Why credit cards and not cash? If you pay via cash, your date can peek into your wallet and determine how rich you are. If you maxed out your credit card limit, you can tell your date on the next purchase that it's your siblings fault, having used the credit card before you used it
4: Bring her to a hawker centre to have meals, instead of high-class romantic dinners. You can tell her it's cheap and the food here is nice. You save a great deal of money than going to those unromantic places. Oh wait. If you go to those places, you can use the lines used by the person on the next table and use i on your date. Useful eh? Of course. Just that when the environment is beautiful, beautiful settings, beautiful food, everything is so beautiful even your faeces in the toilet of that restaurant looks beautiful too. When the bill comes, you're gonna say that the bill looks beautiful, cause it's gonna be at least 2 digits, which is most likely to be 50+. If you don't have the money, yea. This is your best valentine ever. You will be washing dinner plates with your date and look at how she scowls at you. You will feel like chopping off your penis.
5: After dinner, walk her home. If you washed dinner plates with her, you don't get to do this. Why? The moment you get out of the restaurant, she will be screaming vulgarities in your face and be running home. Too bad. If you didn't wash the plates, walk her home to prevent rapists from acting on her. Once you see her to her doorstep, she might give you a kiss as your reward. Then you carry her inside and well. You know it, everyone.
6: Before the clock strikes 12, at 11:59, ask her for stead. You might succeed, cause she is tired and yea.
7: Go to Mediacorp and go to Channel NewsAsia, tell the whole wide world that so and so is your girlfriend and not to F around with her.
Try this methods out, and tell me it works.
Guys will cry for their money and females will avoid their ugly dates. Don't believe me? Wait till Valentine's day.
Same time, same channel, blueundies.blogspot.com
If you people have anything against me, tell me in my tagboard. I'll ignore it and take it that nothing has happened.
On to Valentine's day, where guys spend a exorbitant amount of money on their crushes. For the girls, if their dates are kinda ugly, they will avoid him like they are drooling consistently and have mucus dripping from their noses. Alright, it can't be that serious, but sometimes, even the impossible might be possible. And I'm here to help guys to spend a not-so-memorable Valentine, so you don't have a choice but to read on.
1: Ask the girl if you can be her Valentine. Eliminate all competition before asking her. E.g
Guy: Can you be my Valentine?
Female: But I promised so and so that..
Guy: Screw that guy la. He's in hospital.
Female: Then maybe I'm gonna go for..
Guy: All your yan daos in hospital. So can you be my Valentine?
Female (no choice but has to resign to fate): Fine.
A challenging way to get a date, and it might not work. You can just knock those suckers out, tie them up, gag them and throw them in a broom cupboard. It will be better if you blindfold them.
2: If you got a girl already, then this is a must do step. Buy her gifts, preferably femine gifts. You can also give her condoms, since females love to give each other condoms. I don't know why, but it has been the trend since 3 years ago. And guys, females love the flavour strawberry. Maybe I'm wrong, but I only know of the strawberry flavour. You can also get your dates SM tools, corsets, push-up bras, g-strings and gifts that look femine to you.
3: Next, you must have a credit card that has loads of money inside. Or if you don't want to spend a single cent, you just bring your girl to a deserted place and fuck the hell outta her, using the condom use just bought. (Applies to horny females only. Use with caution. There might be polic nearby.) Cause if you bring the girl to a shopping mall, when they say something looks cute, and you will be tempted to buy that toy for her. Why credit cards and not cash? If you pay via cash, your date can peek into your wallet and determine how rich you are. If you maxed out your credit card limit, you can tell your date on the next purchase that it's your siblings fault, having used the credit card before you used it
4: Bring her to a hawker centre to have meals, instead of high-class romantic dinners. You can tell her it's cheap and the food here is nice. You save a great deal of money than going to those unromantic places. Oh wait. If you go to those places, you can use the lines used by the person on the next table and use i on your date. Useful eh? Of course. Just that when the environment is beautiful, beautiful settings, beautiful food, everything is so beautiful even your faeces in the toilet of that restaurant looks beautiful too. When the bill comes, you're gonna say that the bill looks beautiful, cause it's gonna be at least 2 digits, which is most likely to be 50+. If you don't have the money, yea. This is your best valentine ever. You will be washing dinner plates with your date and look at how she scowls at you. You will feel like chopping off your penis.
5: After dinner, walk her home. If you washed dinner plates with her, you don't get to do this. Why? The moment you get out of the restaurant, she will be screaming vulgarities in your face and be running home. Too bad. If you didn't wash the plates, walk her home to prevent rapists from acting on her. Once you see her to her doorstep, she might give you a kiss as your reward. Then you carry her inside and well. You know it, everyone.
6: Before the clock strikes 12, at 11:59, ask her for stead. You might succeed, cause she is tired and yea.
7: Go to Mediacorp and go to Channel NewsAsia, tell the whole wide world that so and so is your girlfriend and not to F around with her.
Try this methods out, and tell me it works.
Guys will cry for their money and females will avoid their ugly dates. Don't believe me? Wait till Valentine's day.
Same time, same channel, blueundies.blogspot.com
If you people have anything against me, tell me in my tagboard. I'll ignore it and take it that nothing has happened.
posted by Unwilling person at 10:11 AM
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