The Chinese New Year

Yay. Chinese New Year. The day when most chinese are looking forward to, or most. Like me, for example. Cause this is the time when parents let their hair down and let their kids hanky panky about for the first 3 days of New Year. Of course, there are pros and cons for this festival. Which is all about Money. $$ Yes, money. Why? I shall tell you why.
Pros:
1: Ang Pao time. If you have many relatives, you are gonna receive many, many, Ang Paos. More Ang Pao means more money. So expect smiles on kids faces.
2: You can go to your most hated cousins house and make a hell of a mess in that place. E.g Spill a cup of soft drink on the sofa, have a pillow fight and claim that he started it.
3: If you don't have luxuries in your own home, use your relatives' one! Common sense. If your cousin has a ps2 and you don't have one, you go his house and play until his machine burns.
4: Tidbits! Your relatives will be egging you to finish em, and see how you resist all the nice, nice food which you can eat during New Year.
5: A real nice get-together with long lost cousins.
6: Experience how good your aunt's/uncle's cooking is.
Cons:
1: Ang Paos. If you have very little relatives, you are gonna be sad. Why? Less ang pao, less money. *sobs*
2: If your cousins are as backward as you, there is nothing to do but watch television, only. The only entertainment is your imagination and it really sucks at times.
3: If you are a damn, solid and fucking fat, your parents will be giving you a hard time. They will be watching you, and making it very difficult for you to snatch a bite. However, you can tide over this crisis by buying damn huge pants and clothes. They make you look slim.
4: All your ang paos have only.. $2. LOL.
Of course, this is absolute rubbish, it most of the things work for me. Why? Cause I'm good. Get it? I'm good. Now more to my personal life, so shut up and read.
New year's eve. The most disastrous New Year's Eve in my 16 years on Earth. My parents ordered some dumb food from shop and save, and prayed to the almighty Chinese Gods. I don't give a shit to the gods, more to the food. After they prayed, we ate. My parents bought a piece of pork's knuckle, hokkien mee, shark fins and yam.
When you look at the food, you feel like drooling on it. When you put it into your mouth, you feel like spitting it on the food. Yes, it's this bad. If you feel that it is really nice, you can take a knife, stick out your tongue, and lop it off.
We threw away majority of the food.

First day of New Year. Nothing much happened, just that one taxi driver cheated me of my money. I couldn't care less, he needs the money to support his family.

Second day. Must be my most unlucky day. I loaned Devil May Cry 1, and it keeps hanging. Shit. Must I loan from another moron?

Third day. My cousins came over, and they just played dynasty warriors and smackdown versus raw. No Kingston, my mom kept the shitty ps2 again. So don't bother coming over. Ok?And she isn't working for the next 7 days.

Someone give me Devil May Cry 1 and Devil May cry 3: Special Edition on my birthday. Thank you. I won't love you, but I will definitely not hate you.

Chinese New Year Concert in Tampines Secondary School

"Tampines Secondary School is the cheapest school blah blah blah." That is what my principal says. Oh well, Since he said that, no wonder the concert turned out.. well, bad. The past years concert were bad, but still better. At least they can't make me talk to anyone in front or behind me. This year, it is so bad that I really hoped that I did not submit my english homework, thus having to stay behind in class to finish it or do it. It is that bad, and I am not lying. Those who went will know what I mean.
First item: A chinese opera. The title is "Nezha creating a havoc in the Eastern Sea."
Yes. By seeing this topic, and seeing the word opera, you will know that it is definitely know that what is the reaction of most people.
Me: What am I thinking?
You: Wtf?
Me: Correct.
It is chinese, and it is unfair to our malay friends. They had subtitles, but overall, even reading the subtitles, a malay asked me what are they talking about. No, the malay ain't stupid. It's the person behind the laptop that is stupid. Why? I don't know why, but there are a few possibilities to name out.
1: He is too engrossed with the assholish show, when he must have watched the show a thousand times.
2: He is too lazy to click on the mouse or the buttons.
3: He shortcutted on the subtitles.
4: The subtitles are directly translated from chinese, thus when the malays read it, it makes no sense at all.
5: The malays did not even bother reading the subtitles.
My friend asked me what is the story about, what are they talking about, who is Nezha, is he a boy or girl and why they make such a big hoo ha about him. I wanted to sleep, but Kevin wouldn't let me. You are dead, Kevin. You are so dead.
Second item: Martial arts performance by pros and amatuers in our school.
It is definitely better than the first, cause this is something that everyone can understand. First group includes my friend on stage, giving commands by punching the air. Considering the blunder she made last year, it is much better. Second is the stick performance. It is nice, though I prefer there is another person fighting with her. The third is really nice, waving the sword around. He won a award when he was in secondary one and the MCs were whoring about it. This year, they didn't say anything nice so I suppose he did not win anything.
Third item: The choir singing a New Year Song
I'd love to comment about this. Why? Cause.. I'll explain it now. =D
The conductor, first runner-up of 2004's Tampines idol, Christopher, was the main attraction. You see his ass, and no one is interested in what the choir is singing. If you went to in-tempo 7 in August 28, 2004, you would see a conductor, a REAL condutor. He even has a degree for it. As for another conductor, it would be my friend, Ming Han. If he conducted, it would be totally different. I'd take him then Christopher. Cause he is better, in the humourous side. And Melvin was wowing about Christopher. Shut up Melvin, Ming Han is better, ok?
Fourth item: Commencement of Chinese New Year decorations
My class won hand down. Why? Cause we had no decorations, to start of with. Not even a Ang Pow on a notice board. No one bothered to do, so why bother bringing the darned materials in the first place? Another factor that we won is that our classroom is very clean. YES, clean. Very clean. We have sweet wrappers lying all over the place.
Made Jun Li buy vodka for on the way home and finished it all by myself. I wanted to buy the one with 10% alcohol, but it's 7++. So I settled on the 5% alcohol which is 3++. I know I'm cheapskate, but I'm broke. And advice for the day, never drink vodka and eat kitkat. You'll puke. Trust me, cause I've done that. I'm sorry Melvin, cause all I left for you in my bottle was a drop of vodka. Next time I'll sponsor ten cents for you to buy a bottle, kays?
NowWw dunchh angrii le norhss... I've stepped out of my league to do this Melvin, so appreciate it. Even if you don't, you still have to. Why? You don't have a reason to. =)

Melvin

Today, I'm gonna talk about a guy that I have known for my.. fourth year. I'm not gonna talk about his past, nor his future. I'm gonna talk about the present, which is today, Thursday, 26 of January. I ran out of ideas, so this gave me the opportunity to, talk something dumb.
Recess, I ate with Melvin, and Jun Li and Ming Han joined us afterwards. Then, Tricia, Melvin's girlfriend arrived with her gang of friends, sat at the next table. If you people didn't get it, it means the table beside our table. BESIDE. Jun Li and I wanted Melvin to go off with Tricia, cause it might be a nice spectacle to see. Not funny, but watching Melvin interact with her gives me the laughs. A habit, I guess. Then I noticed something. There is a distance between her and Melvin, an estimated distance of.. 1 to 2 metres. We then trashed talked about Melvin's ex-crushes, and Kingston, who came by much later, made sure that Tricia heard what he said. Then Ming Han made a comment about her friend with I won't want to comment about. No, don't go asking me. The end of canteen shit, now on to the next shit.
When we reached the third floor, Jia Hao took some money from Angelina and gave Melvin ten bucks. Ying Ting then went to Melvin and searched his breast pocket. I don't know why, Melvin suddenly shouted: "Touch my neh neh, 非礼啊！" In english, it's: "Touching of my boobs, molestation!" In malay, it's: "Pegang aku punya tetek, cabul!" For Tamil and and Indian, don't know, cause I don't have Indian friends. I learned another phrase too, don't get offended, you can use them on a chinese, for chinese. Read, :"Chee bye aku rogol mak kau baru kau tahu pala puki." Read it out loud, tell that to a chinese and let him guess what you mean when you don;t even know what is the meaning.
Here's the translation: "Vagina I molest you mother than you know you fuck face." I learnt this from, obviously, a MALAY. My malay is good enough to flunk the Primary 1 exam with a nice, fat, zero. 0. It's 1-1=0, ok? Not o, 0! Ok?

The ways to woo a male.

This entry is done to ensure that the females will not call me a sexist, and done for Gays and Transvestites, so be happy. I'm usually not so generous.
Step 1: Be his friend. (Obvious) If not, walk up to the guy you don't know, but like him cause he is cute or handsome, with a gang of Ah Lians, and tell the guy you like him, and you want to stead with him, and give him 10 seconds to say a "Yes" or "No". If the guy says no, rape him or shout that he molested you. Or you can get the Ah Lians to scratch the fuck outta his face and make no girl fall for him ANYMORE. The risk is that you might get charged for assault and made to live in the girls home.
Step 2: Never be his best friend, cause.. read my previous entry. Get to know him, not too much, just a little bit will do.
Step 3: Don't be shy to ask him out for a walk, and be FLEXIBLE. Don't be afraid to start a dumb conversation. This method can also be used to find out the guy you love reaches your standards. E.g Is he gentlemanly enough, rich enough, very good skills to satisfy you on the bed. =X oops. Girls are hard to satisfy sometimes. You can let the guy know you like him, he won't avoid you unless you don't have the looks. In this situation, sit at home, go bittorrent, find gay porn and download it. It might give you a few seconds of enjoyment, soon you will be craving for more. Scary, but true.
Step 4: You can call the guy, to make sure he doesn't get the chance to flirt with other females on the phone at night. Guys are not weird at night, just bewildered by the fact why you call him, and boosting your chances by a VERY big percentage of 0.01%. You can also send twitish goodnight sms-es to him, giving his friends a good impression of him. You can also flirt with another guy, and hope that the guy doesn't spread the shit around. Rumours spread like wildfire, see?
Step 5: If the guy is starting to date you, here's your chance. Flip open the dictionary, look for very "chim" words, be it any language, use your girly charm, your best twitish language and ask him. If you ask him on the spot, he might have a less chance to reject you. If you sms him, he might not reject you, cause you might slander him and he might never get a girlfriend anymore. BAH.
Step 6: When you two are on dates, try to strike up conversations cause I've seen a case whereby the couple broke up due to one another being too.. well, quiet. As long you talk something sensible, (other than your darned CCA. Who is interested in that?) nothing wrong should happen. Unless.. quarrels like the guy not being able to satisfy you in bed, well, get viagra, stuff it down his mouth and it should do the trick. Otherwise get yourself a dildo and finger yourself all night long in the toilet.
Step 7: If you broke up with him, go to the general office, use the mic and announce that you have broken up with him, and you don't love him anymore. A better way is to pay Straits Times to publish a coloumn, saying that you don't love that dumb dick anymore. You can also appear in channel NewsAsia, and tell eveyone in Singapore and become a celebrity overnight. You can also make use of the opportunity to tell everyone who you like. A good chance.

Try this steps, females. And tell me, it DOES work. Ok? Ok.

The ways to "jio" (woo) a female (James version)

This post is done in response to Melvin's blog. Cause he hasn't been updating, I assume he has abandoned it and it would not hurt to take some things from his blog and use them.
I agree with Melvin in some aspects, and disagree with him in some aspects cause he does them in a TOTALLY different way. Those who have known him for quite some time should know this fact. Yep.
Step 1: Be her friend. What else could you do? Give her 50 bucks and make her agree everything you say? E.g
Male: "I give you 50 dollars. Whatever I say, just agree. Ok?"
Female (seeing opportunity to earn easy money): "Sure."
Male: "Say I love you."
Female: "I love you."
Male: "Stead with me."
Female: "Ok lor."
Male: "Let's break up."
Female: "Anything."
Male: "Now give me back my fifty bucks.", leaving the girl confused and pondering what had she done wrong.
Step 2: Never be her best friend. If you are in that stage, YOU ARE SO SCREWED. Yep, screwed. Cause you know too much about the girl and during dates, you might talk the usual shit, forgetting she is your girlfriend, but your best friend. E.g, you bring her to a really romantic dinner, and you talk the usual shit you talk about as best friends. AND not forgetting you know too much about her, she knows too much about you, too. Exceptions do happen, and that happens with moronic people like, my sister.
Step 3: Don't let the girl know you like her. If she knows, she will avoid you like you got bird flu, Sars, Dengue fever or a naked man running amok, with your dick hanging around showing the whole wide world. And for this stage, I seriously recommend Melvin's skills. He had even fooled me, someone who mixed with him in school everyday, by saying he loves her, then another female, then suddenly steads with Tricia, catching her TOTALLY off guard. I call those girls that Melvin used, diversion girls. Why the name diversion girls? Cause they are used to mislead us. Cunning, Melvin, cunning. *rolls eyes*
Step 4: Never call the girl, cause I heard girls are really weird when you call them, especially at night. Also don't send them goodnight sms-es, cause if she is really popular, you are just wasting your darned money, which you can use it to flirt with another girl. =X oops.
Step 5: If the girl is interested in you, or if you think so, just do it. Just do your many patterns, and pray to all the Gods, E.g Jesus, Allah, Shiva or any chinese god and pray that the girl will not reply a No, I'll consider and whatever phrase that says no. They might be beating about the bush saying that you're a nice guy, but you're not the type for her. PATTERN MORE THAN BADMINTON. There might be more "chim" words involved, so you gotta check the dictionary, while the girl uses the time to pack her things and elope with some dumb yandao.
Step 6: If she rejects you, look for a new pasture and start afresh or you can be a low-life and think about her when you masturbate. This method are for low-lifes, not for playboys or "chiongsters". If you are looking for a new pasture, act like you are very depressed, and not like somebody or you can secretly love someone in secret. Take a few months, and then you can go to the general office, use the speaker to tell every single in school that you don't like the person you love before, and you love the new person. Make sure everyone knows, even the old uncles and aunties that wash the toilet in school.
Step 7: If you want to woo another female, refer to step 1 again.

Thanks Melvin, for having written this article to help me with this.. entry. I love you, but I don't want your kisses. Save 'em for your girl, ok? She might be jealous. LOL. I'm kidding.

Why my link is so dumb.

Yes. People might be thinking, of all links, why must James choose such a dumb... well.. link? Cause he has no creativity? No brains or his brains are placed in the ass? If you have such moronic thoughts, you are dumb. I know I'm damn lame, but I really have no idea what link to give my blog. Bernice suggested "thatx-me", but it's hers. I looked around my room, desperate to get any inspiration or idea. Then i saw my underwear. BLUE. Then without knowing, I typed "http://blueundies.blogspot.com" and well, here you are. I actually wanted tenyearseries, but blogger knew better and refused that link. Shit. I know this is a dumb post, but I need to read fannyowemoney.blogspot.com to get more inspiration. He's my idol in the blogging world. And females, here's a "yandao" for you all to drool and masturbate for:
(He's really powerful, yea?)

Photobucket

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Why typing like a twit is so tedious

Yes, my first post. Or rather, my second. Cause someone inspired me to blog and yea. Here I am, not typing like a twit cause in the end, I also will have difficulty deciphering what I am trying to type. Yes, typing like a twit. OH YES. You have to have alternate caps in between and unnecessary alphabets. It goes like this.. "hihiex", "dUnChXxX lYkK tHaTxXx LeR lArZzz". Typing that sure takes some brainwork. It's like killing more braincells than typing normally. You need absolute zero brainpower to type that. No, maybe 10%. For the spelling, see?
I ain't out to flame twits, just that the way they type just makes it hard to read what are they talking about. Oh god. Anymore of this shit is definitely gonna turn me into a twit. And yea, Kingston, typing like a twit helps cause random asses will not go to your blog and tell you to kill yourself.
I'm off, goodnight.