Crossfire in Yoshinoya.

I might not be updating frequently, due to some little snags might shitty computer has encountered and it is bugging the fuck outta me. I feel like walking up to a police, tell him to come over my house and blow a hole in my computer and I'll reward him handsomely for it. These are my thoughts, so don't REALLY CALL A POLICE TO BLOW MY COMPUTER INTO HALF. Maybe all I need is a new motherboard. But then, BAH. Maybe I'll blog about this shit tomorrow.

So, today's incident. Jia Hao, Jun Li, Kingston and me had a hard time deciding on where to eat. Maybe not Kingston, cause he is too busy playing Fifa on my phone. After Jun Li said go MacDonald's to eat AGAIN, Jia Hao suggested Yoshinoya which is quite a good choice. We all headed down the escalator and when we reached Yoshinoya, Jia Hao was kind of astounded. Cause he saw, her. One ton to carry. Never mind, but Kai Hui and gang was there. That gave Jia Hao another one ton to carry. Then, Yan Han happened to walk past us and tons fell from the sky and crushed Jia Hao to death.



No la, bodoh. But then, 2 ex-es and one crush ALL IN ONE SPOT. If I were in that situation, I would've killed myself by scalding myself to death (There's a store se.lling deep-fried stuff opposite Yoshinoya). Then doing the math above, 1+1+8=10 tons to carry. Makes me go "Heng ah. I not a siao peh like Jia Hao." It's ok, it wasn't the end of the world. We then bought our stuff, then we sat down to eat. Kingston WAS still hanging on to my MIGHTY 3230, cause it has a Fifa game inside, and others DO NOT. That's the difference between you and me, people. I have Fifa ok? Then Kingston rushed through his male just for my, Fifa. I reluctantly handed over my phone to him and continued with my food. Then, Jia Hao took out his waffle fries and put them on the plate. Kingston thought that Jia Hao did not want the fries anymore and gulped it down in one fucking gobble. Jia Hao gripped him by the neck and vented his anger on him for the fries. After the meal, Jia Hao decided to fold heart-shaped straws for her. After he made one, I was threatened to give the straws to her or my Mighty 3230 will be destroyed by that unscrupulous guy. Like, oops? I walked over to her table, and said "Delivery from Jia Hao" and brisked walked back to my seat. Then, I had to do another delivery and left it on the table, too. Then Jia Hao took our used straws and made heart-shaped straws again. I made the delivery again, CAUSE MY BAG IS IN DANGER. Then, Kingston went to take some straws and he gave them to Jia Hao cause he needs em to make more straws. Angelina walked back, showing us the state the straws are. After Jia Hao finished one more, I WAS FORCED to make another delivery and she threatened to throw her drink at me. I decided to turn back and my bag was in danger. Omg, I want to go to a corner and cry, but I can't. 16 leh, cry for fuck? Then, I had a good idea. I FUCKING MADE KINGSTON DELIVER THE STRAW AND I SAVED BOTH MY NECK AND MY BAG. How clever I am. Then, after he returned, she came and said "How dare you give me a used straw!" I was thinking "How screwed can I be?" Then the war began. Ice was flying, it was WAR. Her and gang versus Jia Hao. Who will win?


Ice was flying, all thrown by her, I presumed. And for heaven's sake, she is a netball player and all her shots missed. Thanks to my lightning quick reflexes and my *dramas abit* "Sharingan!!' *whacked in the head by a sledgehammer* Alright, they all missed, and it was PURE disgusting. As gentlemen, we just evaded the onslaught of "hails" and did not throw back at them. The war got so bad that the Yoshinoya staff had to peek and look at what's happening. Sensing something wasn't right, she her gang scrammed from Yoshinoya and Jia Hao came up with a conclusion: "Never go to Yoshinoya." How wise, dude. After those words, we too, got out of Yoshinoya cause our area is full of ice-cubes.


Oh, if you're wondering about the score, it's nil-nil. Why?
We did not retialiate and she did not hit.

Cheebye spyware/worm/trojan or whatever. I BLOG YOU ALSO WANT DI SIAO. LUCKY I USE MOZILLA YOU CAN ONLY MAKE TAB. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Knn, press publish post they di siao me again.

Gratitude.

I hereby thank Yingting and Bernice for being such nice people to help me find the codes for linking and thus, I can link now. If I have forgotten to link you, tag at my tagboard and this shall not go unnoticed. Thank you.

Interesting uh.. Phrases?

I just can't believe it when I see some of my friends have such ridiculous nicks. Everytime I come online, I scan through my so pathetically few contacts just to see who is online. And everytime, this friends of mine just, just never fails to give me a weird feeling, whether to laugh or not to laugh. Here are some examples:


"Scammer are being FAKE at your OWN RISK!" You must be thinking that he is trying to tell you that scammers are fakes, do things at your own risk. That is after much.. analysing. But but but, this is the actual explanation "Scammers are being fake at your own risk!" It simply means that scammers are fake for your sake. Here's another one:


"MapleSEA seem like bored." After looking at this phrase and racking your brains for a while, what this guy is trying to say is MapleSEA is getting boring. But, if you look at this phrase and your first thoughts will tell you that "MapleSEA is bored". Now, how can a program talk? My primary school 3 teacher once told a boy off when some bastard kicked the table and that guy went to scold that guy saying that the wall is crying cause he kicked it. Programs can't talk, they are NON-LIVING THINGS. Omg, I want to tell that guy off, but I don't know him well. Let's just leave things the way they are. I can't be bothered with him.

Sunday.

Sorry YingTing, for not updating regualarly. I'm updating now, and you can't call me 猪八戒 now.
I seriously have nothing to write about, serious. Just the Poland joke that Mr Ranjit said on Friday, I seriously have nothing to say anymore.
*Note, RS is Mr Ranjit.
RS: How many people does it take to paint a wall in Poland?
You: Not sure?
RS: 3
You: Why?
Rs: Two people to hold the ladder, and person to hold the paintbrush and and the two people holding the ladder will move the ladder up and down, while the painter just holds the brush steady.

RS: What does a bird do when it flies over Poland?
You: Uh?
Rs: It turn upside down.
You: What the?
Rs: It flies over Poland.

Done, for today. Give me more topics to write about and make sure I can write about it.

A fight.

"Kaninabei!" Was what I heard when I walked past 2e4. Being busybodies, Melvin and I just had to stop and watch what was happening. No, Don't you go pointing a finger and say "Kaypoh!"Cause if you happen to walk past 2e4 at that time, you will also stop and see. I could see Nick egging the guy by muttering "Fight fight fight! Fight fight fight!" In the end, just a shove and everything was settled. That guy fell, and the shover was shouting in some language which obviously, I don't understand. Alright, he was shouting in english, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. So, me and Melvin walked off to the toilet to do our business. Then Nick came in and lamented that they did not fight and it was a waste of time.
Then during maths, 2 guys from e5 went to the toilet to change. Jovene, Qi Ying, Ying Ting and Angelina saw them show off their abs, from OUTSIDE the toilet. They were so stunned for words, that their jaw dropped. Apparently, they were too hot for them but I am hotter than them. Why? They have the abs, I have the meat. See?
Then there was this staple bullet craze, where Nick used MY staple bullets and placed those barbed bastards on my chair making me howl in pain when I sat on my chair. Damn, look before you sit. Ok Nick, you had better give me what you used cause you used them for senseless purposes. And more importantly, you used them on me, so I demand that you return me what you used. Aight, I'm just kidding.
And again, I've decided to watch Final Fantasy Advent Children. I've met my primary school friend just to loan the damn cd from him to go home and watch the damn thing. And, I'm going to watch the show a hundred times. God bless me if I go crazy from watching this movie. Maybe I'm gonna upload some screenshots of that movie so that females can masturbate for Cloud and Vincent, while males can masturbate for Tifa, ONLY.
End of post, tag at my tagboard or else your dicky will rot or your vagina will grow a penis. =D

Willpower.

For one year and a few months, I have classified myself under the "Strong-willed" group. Cause, I have been able to resist my temptation for smoking like for, 1 year plus? Or rather, why throw away money to kill yourself? You smoke and smoke and smoke, you get pnuemonia and you die. What a sad way to end your life, and a expensive way, too. It's like, if you smoke three packs of ciggarettes a day on a uniformed basis, and you smoke "Marlboro Ang" till you die, you might have been able to save enough money to go on a trip to europe. According to Mr Neo, if you smoke three packs of ciggarettes a day, you might die in three years. Assuming that you really die in three years, let us calculate the costs you might have incurred if a packet of ciggarettes cost 11 dollars, 365 years times 3 = 1095 days. 1095 days times 11 dollars = 12045 dollars. Take it that you have been smoking one pack for the past 1 year, 365 times 11 = 4015 dollars. Adding together, you would have saved a total amount of 4015 + 12045 = 16060 dollars. Hell, take that money to Indoneasia and you might be a millionaire. Or you can buy a car and even if you get thousand plus a month, put aside at least 300 bucks a month, you can also buy a good car. Even you can buy a condominium and live in it happily while paying off even though you earn thousand plus a month. See? Smoking is a expensive way to die. If you want to die that badly, take a knife and stab it in your heart and you will die immediately, due to excessive bleeding. LOL. I'm talking about willlpower and here I am talking about smoking. Back to my damn life. So I was talking about my willpower, and now I discovered that I am not that strong afterall. Argh. And I am quoting from Kingston's phrase "The mind is a powerful thing" and I have permission from him to write this into my blog. Heck, I'll go for Yuri's "The mind's more powerful than the eye." But, it's more on "Peer pressure". Well, take a look.
After Taf, on my way back to class, Kingston said "Tricia很美." Jun Li agreed with him and I looked up, and saw her staring down. I said "会meh?" End of part 1. Now to part 2.
At Long John's, Kingston saw a chio bu at Long John and for no reason he said Angeline is prettier than Tricia. He kept on doing this to Melvin until Melvin, either he is totally pissed or he was brainwashed by Kingston until he said "Yah la." Then Kingston repeated what he said about Tricia earlier and everyone agreed. In the end, I just said "Yah la." Then blah blah blah. We had a little talk about willpower and what should this post's title should be. Then we went on and on and on until we left Long John. End of Story. =D

Good news or bad news.

I just can't believe it. My statcounter is up and running, due to the fact that my text for the counter is black, along with the damn background. That's the bad news. I didn't realise this till I went to statcounter to get another code. Then I saw 243 unique visitors, 186 pageloads. I've put my statcounter somewhere in February 2006, and I have 243 visitors. Kingston has his blog up since last year, and he has 600+ visitors. I'll catch up to you, with a new code and stuff, with my blog counter and all resetted. Except for my tagboard. Of course. Then there is good news. Angelina got off, and now I have to get her a gift. Gah. I'll get you spongebob, I don't care. =D

Process writing.

She was bawling for the past few hours, after seeing her face in the papers as a horny bitch, only craving for sex. She wanted to sue the media for slandering, but she had no money. She could only pretend that she doesn't exist when she walks past the familiar streets, ignoring the snorts of laughter and disgust when she walks past people. Occasionally, a guy may stop her in the streets and ask her for sex. She could only scream and run, with no one save her from the bottomless pit. It all happened when this guy and his group of friends decide to do a gangbang and videotaped the whole incident and posted it on the internet.

He was a ugly little bastard that knows nothing else but breaking hearts. He had a legendary reputation of having a huge penis, and rumours spread like wildfire. Horny bitches had been asking him to be their steads, to get ahold of his oh-so-mighty penis. After the act, they would be sticking onto him like a leech, never letting him out of their sight. They want that magical feeling, and he was the only who can provide that. But, after having so many girlfriends, he fell in love with this female, who is rich, not so well academically and average in the looks department. It took him many tries to get hold of the girl, as the girl also likes him alot. She rejected him for quite sometime, but since horny-ness got the better of her, so she consented to be his girlfriend.

It took quite a few tries before he could initiate sex, due to the fact that she had a strict-upbringing, but nevertheless, horny. She wanted to have sex badly due to peer pressure. All of her friends had sex before and her pornographic surfing experience where the girls look like they are enjoying themselves. She also had masturbated by herself and got herself some sex toys like exotic dildos. She was elated when the guy's meaning finally got through her puny skull, that after so much talk, all he wants is some sex. He promised to make the feel that she is in nirvana and that she will begging, with her pussy dripping with cum, asking for more.

That guy turned up at her house with some guys and a video recorder. She at first was shocked by the fact that why are they so much guys but that ugly swine got hold of the situation, and told her that they are also here, to help her achieve nirvana faster. Each guy plugged each hole and began shooting sperms everywhere. Soon, sperms are flying about the air like fireworks. There wasn't a moment when sperms are never around. Soon, she was covered in hot white cum, and she was licking every single drop of her body. The guys left and the guy who was recording, he conveniently removed the faces of the fuckers and conveniently left that horny bitch's face uncovered. They also invented new fucking patterns, which were greatly appreciated by the pornstars. News travelled fast, faster than people imagined. Soon, it reached the media's hands and it was that when she was shamed, shamed beyond words.

The end.

Celebration run.

I'm in no mood to blog, all inspiration on Celebration Run was somhow, gone. Here are some pictures for you.
All of this pictures belong to me. Don't you bitch about my pictures in my tagboard.

Total Defence day.

Alright, today is total defence day. What is total defence day you ask me? As a patriotic Singaporean, I'm proud to tell you that total defence day is a day when citizens are allowed to carry arms and walk around. No? Oh yeah. That applies to America only. You carry a gun in America and it is not illegal. Heck, they even have shops for it. As for Singapore, with your very busybody neighbours, if you even have a bullet in your pocket, I'll bet that they will call the police and say that you posses arms and you are a potential danger to the whole block. Bah. Well, total defence means you go to this total defence website and read information off from it. I like total defence in a way cause I can skip one period of chinese. Thus, I am spared from my chinese teacher's nagging. Thank the Singapore Government to have comed up with such a creative day where students can skip a few periods. Now when I recall today's activity, I really wished that I have a digital camera where I can snap some nice photos for you people to see. The show today really was funny. I watched the show with some buddies in my class and we noticed something. During a riot, civilians are attacked, I'm not sure cause I've never seen a riot before, not even a strike, so beat me. The Npcc cadets then intervened, that looks and sounds reasonable. Police are used to keep internal peace within a country. Then, the Ncc cadets ran out. Omfg? It's so gay, a simple riot, there is no need to mobilise the army. I know, we have peace for so many years, and it is unlikely for a war to happen. There are so many international organisations Singapore joined, so it is unlikely for Singapore to get attacked. There is the United Nations, ASEAN, five power defense arrangement and World Health Organisation. Oops, WHO has nothing to do with war. But there is no need to mobilise the army for a simple riot, which can be easily taken care of by the police. Singapore has a army to protect Singapore from being attacked externally, not internally. Maybe when there are terrorists, you get the army, that's understandable. But riot? Gah. Then someone in my group pointed out that someone from the Ncc group has a little trouble with one rioter. He pointed his fake rifle at that rioter and the rioter can still look at the gun for a moment before dropping his weapon, with a smile on his face. Omg. Then, someone said, "Machiam like terrorists." Then Kingston replied "If terrorists can be dealt with so easily, that will be great." And he got caught by ex-staff sergeant-but-now-Operations Manager Mr Royston, not for carrying suspicious objects, not for looking suspicious, but for eating when it is still not recess. He was shouting so loud, that he got everyone's attention. Then it was assembly, and it's such a rare occasion in four directions, North, south, east, west got chio bu. Then we had a talk on child cancer. The talker was pretty and there are gifts sponsored by citybank. Eco-system calculators, which I mistook for credit cards. Then on to F&N, where Mrs Abbas's lesson got interrupted by Mr Kenny Tan's Total Defence speech. When he reached the "In short," part, she was happy like a lark. Then the speech went on for five more minutes. After the part with "suspicious" in it, she said "I see a lot of suspicious people in front of me." Maybe mainly me, cause I'm the exceptionally ugly person there. During f&n, Kingston risked his life to blog a little. I said my blog is better, but then he stated that his blog was better then mine. Fine. It's up to readers to decide whose blog is better. I have no statcounter, cause I don't know how to put it inside. Someone teach me how to link and insert a statcounter.Then, on to infocus, then after everything. For the first time in my life, I saw Melvin go close to Tricia. First time in my life. By the way, those things that you ate in class, gingerbread or whatever, they taste great, especially the chocolates. Then I went to Tampines Mall with Jia Hao and Jun Li to eat, and then went on to buy Kelly Poon's cd. Haha, I have a ticket to go shake hands with her. I really want to scan the picture into my computer, but I think my scanner does not like Kelly Poon, thus not allowing me to scan it. If you want the ticket, tap me on the shoulder and ask me for the ticket nicely. I will give you the ticket for free, and might consider to lend you the cd. You take the cd, go to the expo and get her signature. After the whole thing, you return me the cd and I got her autograph. Yay. What a simple way to get autographs.
By the way, Ying Ting is a *******. Why? Attaching a look-a-like condom on Patrick's head. How unfeminish. And all this happened yesterday.

Valentine's day.

Valentine's day. A day where ugly people tell someone who looks good that they love them. To put it simply, it's a day where you show others how much you love your crushes. Last few years, I spent it alone. And this year, it ain't any special, I'm still spending it alone. Oh wait. For maybe, just maybe, a good 20 minutes +, I spent it with Jia Hao. I wanted to buy Kelly Poon's album, but well. It ain't out yet. I'm trying my luck tomorrow. Then, while browsing and looking at other cds, my mum called and scolded me for some bitchy shit. I actually wanted to to go Tampines Mall and buy a gift for Angelina, who says that I'm biased. ARGH. It just kind of slipped my mind, and well. My mum ruined my mood. I was actually intending to get you Patrick, bigger in size, to make up. But my mom ruined my mood, so I'm getting you something else. Expect it on Thursday. There was so much giving and taking, and most of the people in our class bought flowers FOR THEMSELVES. OH MY GOD. We only have 60 flowers, and it's like, more than 1/4 of the flowers are bought by our own class. We have competition, but ha. They can't compete with us, cause we are the pros. We sell our flowers at 2 dollars each, they sell their's at 3 dollars each. Our flowers are fresh, and I'm not sure about theirs. Seriously. We earned a profit of.. I forgot. But never mind, tomorrow is total defence day. If there are flowers to be sold, I'm not sure if there will be any customers. Who in the right mind will buy flowers on Total defence? No one, I'm sure of that. But heck. I'm spending Valentine's day alone, Jia Hao can spend it with Ying Ting and Angelina if they consent. Kingston has his girlfriend, Melvin has band to spend it with, Ming Han can spend it with females in R.O.S.E and Jun Li can spend it with his crush over the phone. As for me? No crush, no one to talk to and worse. I'm waiting for my testimonials. 3, in fact. Bah. What a low-life I am.
I hate Valentine's day. Btw, this year's sec 2 batch is really childish. E.g
Myra Ho: In the pond ecosystem...
Secondary 2's: Eeeeee...
Me (shouting): I told you to use rotting log.
See? It's pon-d, not po-rn. Get this right. Why am I defending Miss Ho? Cause she is my class's co-form teacher. =D

Blah.

What a shitty day to begin with my father staring at me till I can't sleep anymore. Then there is TAF, which is equally assholish as well. Then when I reached the class, I proudly took out my "VodaVoda" waterbottle which has not been opened before. Brand new. I drank a sip, it tasted ok. Feeling that it is safe for consumption, I took a huge gulp. Then, the drink suddenly tasted like drainwater. I felt like spitting it out, but unable to. So I gulped it down, holding my breath. I felt shagged, feeling thirsty and felt like vomitting. Then, recess. The females were ticking the boxes on who to give flowers to, and they were saying that out loud. I heard my name, but did not give much notice to it. Then recess, and Melvin said "James! Ying Ting said she wanted to give you a rose." I was like lol? He must've heard wrongly, so I said "You heard it wrongly." Then, someone from my class, it's either Kingston or Qi Han, said the same thing again. I said again, you must've heard wrongly. Then Jun Li saw his crush, and feeling as a friend, I should do something, I said "I sponsor you one flower la." He said ok, and continued fantasizing over her, or ogling at her or whatever. Then, I saw all the P.E teachers sitting together, and I told Kingston "Looks like you're right. They're thinking of a plot to not let us get out of TAF." I forgot what Kingston said, but part of it says that the teachers are carrying out this plan with the canteen stall vendors. It's just a joke. So no offence. Serious. Then fast forward to chemistry, where Ying Ting is asking people to give her money to buy flowers for Arif. Happy Birthday Arif! That is if you read this blog. Bah. Then on to my toilet trip, when Qi Han refused to let me pee. When I'm trying to approach the urinal, he turns and threatens to spray his urine on me. After he peed, my turn. He then attempted to "Clothesline from hell" me, but I turned, without peeing, and he stopped before hitting me. I continued to pee in peace. Back to class, my chinese teacher said some bastard/loser scored full marks in the close passage and the multiple choice comprehension. At that moment, I decided to feel abit "buay hiao bai" and said "谢谢大家！就是我了！“ Then the rest of the people were saying "buay hiao bai la James!" Then, she said "仰光！你这么知道是你呢？“ I was like, wtf? Me? Then she gave back the papers, and she said "仰光!29芬!" I got the shock of my life. It's true that I got full marks for the first 2 sections, but just 9 marks for the killer section. Just 9 miserable marks. Then after school came, and I loaned Kevin's n70 to bitch about. Then I went to Tampines Mall to get Ying Ting's gift, which is Patrick. It's smaller than Jack, but nevertheless, still Patrick. Then I went to eat with Jia Hao and Jun Li. Then on my way home with Jia Hao, 3 losers were practicing their stunts near the road like gangsters. We couldn't press the fucking button to cross, so when the traffic light turned red for the cars, I risked my life and my dick to press the button. I commented that those bikers are low-lifes and they should fall in the middle of the road and get knocked by a car. I'll be standing there grinning, before calling a ambulance. I'm better than Fanny, who grins but won't dial for a ambulance. =D Now, I don't know how to wrap the gift for her. Someone teach me. >.<

Valentine's day, the day when guys cry for their money and girls shun their ugly dates.

A post late by two days, and I apologise to any people bothering to come read this blog and yea. I'm gonna update now. I didn't have the mood to blog on Friday due to someone asking me to remove a post. Saturday I was listening to a really nice song the whole day, and thus, conveniently forgetting to blog. And to all readers, please tag at my tagboard before leaving, it'll be highly appreciated.

On to Valentine's day, where guys spend a exorbitant amount of money on their crushes. For the girls, if their dates are kinda ugly, they will avoid him like they are drooling consistently and have mucus dripping from their noses. Alright, it can't be that serious, but sometimes, even the impossible might be possible. And I'm here to help guys to spend a not-so-memorable Valentine, so you don't have a choice but to read on.
1: Ask the girl if you can be her Valentine. Eliminate all competition before asking her. E.g
Guy: Can you be my Valentine?
Female: But I promised so and so that..
Guy: Screw that guy la. He's in hospital.
Female: Then maybe I'm gonna go for..
Guy: All your yan daos in hospital. So can you be my Valentine?
Female (no choice but has to resign to fate): Fine.
A challenging way to get a date, and it might not work. You can just knock those suckers out, tie them up, gag them and throw them in a broom cupboard. It will be better if you blindfold them.
2: If you got a girl already, then this is a must do step. Buy her gifts, preferably femine gifts. You can also give her condoms, since females love to give each other condoms. I don't know why, but it has been the trend since 3 years ago. And guys, females love the flavour strawberry. Maybe I'm wrong, but I only know of the strawberry flavour. You can also get your dates SM tools, corsets, push-up bras, g-strings and gifts that look femine to you.
3: Next, you must have a credit card that has loads of money inside. Or if you don't want to spend a single cent, you just bring your girl to a deserted place and fuck the hell outta her, using the condom use just bought. (Applies to horny females only. Use with caution. There might be polic nearby.) Cause if you bring the girl to a shopping mall, when they say something looks cute, and you will be tempted to buy that toy for her. Why credit cards and not cash? If you pay via cash, your date can peek into your wallet and determine how rich you are. If you maxed out your credit card limit, you can tell your date on the next purchase that it's your siblings fault, having used the credit card before you used it
4: Bring her to a hawker centre to have meals, instead of high-class romantic dinners. You can tell her it's cheap and the food here is nice. You save a great deal of money than going to those unromantic places. Oh wait. If you go to those places, you can use the lines used by the person on the next table and use i on your date. Useful eh? Of course. Just that when the environment is beautiful, beautiful settings, beautiful food, everything is so beautiful even your faeces in the toilet of that restaurant looks beautiful too. When the bill comes, you're gonna say that the bill looks beautiful, cause it's gonna be at least 2 digits, which is most likely to be 50+. If you don't have the money, yea. This is your best valentine ever. You will be washing dinner plates with your date and look at how she scowls at you. You will feel like chopping off your penis.
5: After dinner, walk her home. If you washed dinner plates with her, you don't get to do this. Why? The moment you get out of the restaurant, she will be screaming vulgarities in your face and be running home. Too bad. If you didn't wash the plates, walk her home to prevent rapists from acting on her. Once you see her to her doorstep, she might give you a kiss as your reward. Then you carry her inside and well. You know it, everyone.
6: Before the clock strikes 12, at 11:59, ask her for stead. You might succeed, cause she is tired and yea.
7: Go to Mediacorp and go to Channel NewsAsia, tell the whole wide world that so and so is your girlfriend and not to F around with her.

Try this methods out, and tell me it works.
Guys will cry for their money and females will avoid their ugly dates. Don't believe me? Wait till Valentine's day.
Same time, same channel, blueundies.blogspot.com
If you people have anything against me, tell me in my tagboard. I'll ignore it and take it that nothing has happened.

A story.

Yes you bitches, before I start on my story, I recently bought this game and it is kinda cheap, $43. You might be looking at me incredously and saying "James you bitch, so rich ah. $43 dollar thing still say cheap." I'll most probably point a middle finger at you and say that you are one sucker, cause this my favourite game, next to the final fantasy series. If you get bitchfits by seeing this picture, too bad for you. (Ps: It's the original version. Not pirated.)

Now on to my story. If any character in the story resembles anyone in reality, it's just coincidental. So, read on.

She was sitting in a sparsely furnished room, staring at the white ceiling. Food wass delivered to her through the dog flap, which her maid pushes in for her. She would just throw her dirty clothing out of the door flap, due to the door being locked from the outside. She was in a family jail, for lying to her parents and committing underaged sex. She was 15, not yet of legal age to have sex as the legal age to have sex is 16. She was punished for 1 year of isolation, unable to talk to anyone except her family members, the maid and the dog that comes in through the door flap to finish the food she is unable to finish. She was denied any human rights, she was a confined bird in a large cage. It all happened after her parents found a condom in a bin in the living room.

Her boyfriend, which she accepted after much rejection, was a ugly little bastard that only knows how to cheat on his girlfriends. He was well-known for his reputation and the girl knew. She had rejected him many times, but each time when he returned with a more romantic phrase, she would be tempted into giving him a chance. The guy even spent hundreds of dollars on gifts for her, buying whatever she wants. After 5 rejections, the she finally agreed to be his girlfriend. It was a step of suicide for her. She knew the moment she became this guy's girlfriend, she would be one of his girlfriends, giving him money to spend. She was a rich female and her family is rich. Judging from her background, she deserved someone better, but somehow, she was smitten by that guy's lovey dovey words and his very ugly face. She thought it was affinity that brought them together, but it was more like a forced relationship.

After they were a couple for a few months, that guy initiated sex. It seems that he was a horny guy, always lusting for more virgins after he had completed the act with his ex-girlfriends. He was renowned for being to give maximum satisfaction to females, making them excited and craving for more. She heard of this rumours, and having masturbated regularly in the toilet at home, she was hoping that guy would ask for sex soon. She was a horny bitch, but she did not inititate sex or any form of sex.

After a few months of their relationship, the guy finally initiated sex and the girl was elated. Real sex beats masturbation, so yea, she agreed. That guy bought a condom, went to her house and fucked the hell out of her. After the act, she disposed the condom in the living room, with the guy's sperms swimming in the condom. When her parents came home, the white plastic thing caught their attention and they questioned her. They questioned her, tortured her mentally and forcing her to spill the beans. Thus, after finding out what happened, they imprisoned her and withdrew her from school. Her parents called the police, arrested the guy for underage sex and..

Taadaa. End of story. A lousy story, but the inspiration came deep down from my heart.

A really dumb day.

Look at my title and you know how my day was. Yes, it reads "A really dumb day." So, it means that today is really dumb. Yes. Dumb. It's spelled as D-u-m-b, not some other weird spelling. You ask me what makes the day dumb? It's the people and the mood. But for today, please minus the people, but times the mood by 3. Why is it dumb? I shall explain it to you.
Taf. It's so horrible that I don't feel like talking about it. After TAF, I heard a few boys wanting to pinch each others nipples and squeezing each others balls. I asked Qi Han if he wanted to join in, but he said no. Boo la, Qi Han. As senior, you should show them the correct way of doing it. Then on my way back to class, me and Kingston saw Mrs Vai (or whatever you spell it) and she stopped me. She asked me to remind Qi Han to take his test on recess or he is getting a zero cause she is giving back the test papers today. She then also conveniently mentioned that e5 scored better than us, so Kingston and us were really fuming. Mrs Vai said "What's up?" then we said that we have a feud with them since last year.(I'm kidding about the feud but I'm not sure with Kingston) Then we walked off to the toilet to change. Then it's Mr Shahril's very serious lesson. He taught us the secrets of structured essay through cunningness, he saved 50 dollars. He gave us some German to decipher and blah. We did not win the bet. Boo. I hoped e4 did not win the bet too. =D Then it's chinese. Was dreaming throughout the test, cause I can't give one or two shits about this. I'm labeled as the chinese loser cause I'm in the loser class in InFocus for chinese. Then Pccg, our class got stuck outside Lab D for quite sometime and Mdm Elsie Cheng saved the day. In we went to the Lab and taadaa. We gotta sign in. Then cannot log in. It was Madam Elsie Cheng who saved the day, again. Then, recess. Throughout the whole recess, Jun Li was staring at the backview of Angeline and Melvin was staring at the backframe of Tricia. Speaking of Tricia, she is kinda.. cold. In a way that her smses to Melvin contains two words. Like "Ok lor." all this kind of shit. When we were stuck outside Lab D, she walked past and me and Kingston were shouting "Melvin~~". He gave her a snap, she looked at him, and continued reading her book. Cool. Back to recess. When Angeling walked towards Jun Li, Jun Li went to the bookshop to buy something. Boo~~. Then 1 period of CME, did some things and then it was 4 periods of F&N. No Mrs Abbas, so me, Melvin, Kingston and Qi Han gambled all the way till after school.
Then fast foward to InFocus, where Nick always entertains the females instead of us. Nick is a sexist, Nick is a sexist. =X. Don't punch me Nick. Then Chemistry. I got b4 when I expected F9. Totally unexpected. The crash course with my sister really work wonders. Then me and Kingston did something stupid, which was posing as a reporter and each other parents. After school, I bought a earpiece which is the same as Jia Hao's. Go to Century Square 4th floor, Jade Gift Shop, call the boss boss, buy something from him (must be expensive) and he might treat you to peanuts. Serious. Then me, Kingston and Jun Li went to food junction and eat. When I'm focusing on eating, Kingston kept talking about chio bus. Gay la. People eating you talk about chio bu. Then he went on to buy beverages, and he saw one female whom he claims is hot. We followed them all the way from Century Square to the Mrt. Then Kingston gave up and I walked him home. I lugi. Why you ask me? Cause I didn't get to see the face of the female, her stead's face. Kingston and Jun Li said that I look better than him. Handsome eh? *raises both hands to say thank you to the jeering crowd* Then we talked about the chio bus in our school. Named out a few, and suddenly Kingston said "I want to eat Otah". Like a no link? He bought 3 dollars worth and ate em on the way home. A dumb day right? Yea. And I made up a sex story, which I might publish here tomorrow. Only Jia Hao heard it from me. =D
Same time, same channel, blueundies.blogspot.com.
See you next time.

My funky teachers.

To all Tampinesians who are stuck in Tampines Secondary School for 4 to 5 years, I'm gonna introduce you the funkiest teachers in the school. There are only 2 in my library, so I'm gonna write about them. Yes, I'm serious so to any teachers who read this blog, you can't sue me cause I ain't insulting any of you. Yes. So don't go up to me, give me a lawyer's letter or something. =D And to english teachers reading this blog, if I make any english or tense errors, please correct me in my tagboard, to the right. If there are no errors, help me sign my orange piece of paper.
Now, on to my funky teachers post.
First person to be recorded in my list, Mr Ranjit Singh. Why him? Cause he is cool.
1st example:
Boy: Teacher, can I loan the OHP in your class?
Mr Singh (To us): Which OHP is spoilt?
Us: The one which is near the door.
Mr Singh: Take that.
Boy: Thank you teacher.
The poor boy must have got a scolding from his teacher for not testing the OHP before loaning it.
2nd example:
Mr Singh: Yong Quan, you smoke right?
Yong Quan: Yes.
Mr Singh: Have you smoked before the camel brand?
Yong Quan: Yes. That brand sucks.
Mr Singh: You know, you can win a ticket. Inside the cigarette box there might be a ticket to tell you that you won the lucky draw. You can go somewhere.
Yong Quan: Go where?
Mr Singh: The place where camels are.
Yong Quan: (Let's out a string of vulgarities under his breath)
Believe it or not, it's up to you. There's one more.
Mr Singh: Do you know why 4e6 is better than 4e2 in english?
4e6: No. Why?
Mr Singh: Cause I didn't teach them last year.
=D
The second funky teacher in my library, is Mr Shahril. Why? Cause..
Geraldine = 20 mb girl/colour coordinator
Jovene = Class spirit
Zafirah = Sharif-ah
He told us why should females marry the Creative guy, cause he refuses to donate Creative Muvos for our competitions.
He told us funky stories also, like why he lost his hair. If you wanna know why he lost his hair, it is because he used most of it for our school.
Today, he told us 2 funny stories.
Guy (suddenly standing up in the middle of class): Jesus loves you, Mr Shahril!
Mr Shahril: I love you too, now sit down.
2nd story
Mr Shahril (to class): All right, take out your books and start reading.
Guy (fishes out a toy machine gun and shoots the ceiling)
Mr Shahril: Keep that gun lest that ceiling drops on your head.
That guy left school after 2 weeks due to mental problems.
He also cracks jokes in the middle of lessons, making my friend Melvin, the sleeping "beauty", unable to sleep in history and social studies classes anymore.

Believe it or not, these are my funky teachers. If you think they are not funky, you can take a gun and shoot yourself in the head. Oh. I forgot. Guns are illegal in Singapore. So take a knife and stab yourself, which is also acceptable. As long as you die, it doesn't really matter. Seriously.

My first encounter with Matrix and some OTHER stuff.

In this world, the world of Matrix is almost impossible, or rather, impossible cause of the stunts performed by the actors are really fake. Stopping bullets, unbelievable fighting skills and unique stunts that can only be done with your brain. Simply put it, it means only your imagination is capable of that. And today, I've proved the impossible, and even escaped with deep cuts. Impressive eh? Of course. You can ask Kingston, cause he witnessed how I accomplished that task, in a P.E lesson. Of course, I shall begin with the beginning.
Morning, I had to do 75 jumping jacks. Not forgetting my knee injury, it made my legs like jelly. Then, after 2 grueling hours of boredom, P.E arrived. Yes, it happened in this period. I shall go into further detail.
We had to run round the volley ball court, which was a simple feat, but we had to do it in different patterns. It put on the strain on my legs, not the fact that I am fat, just the fact that I have flat feet. Then, volleyball. We have to "dick" the ball, and run in a circuit. It put on a further strain on my legs. Not forgetting I am leading my class to run to telecom next week, I was like, gay.
Then the moment arrived. The performance of Matrix. Don't blink your eyes, as I am gonna describe what happened, in words, no pictures.
Demonstration, me, Kingston and Melvin. We had to "dick" the ball to each other, without letting it fall. Then, the ball fell, and it bounced all the way to the cars. I ran after the damn ball, cursing under my breath that why the ball is round, not square. Then, I tripped over a branch, knocked the car on my right, then did a flip and knocked the car on my left and fell with my limbs on the damn floor. See? Matrix. It takes a tremendous amount of focus to do this, and can only be accomplished by me, James the giant peach.
Qi Han helped me with the bandaging, and I met Cleone. She saw my leg, and said "Who wrap one? So ugly." LOL. For a moment, I was stunned. I decided to put on my long pants, lest people say I'm trying to buy sympathy with my injury.
After school, infocus. Forget about infocus, just for the fact that there are only two females in my class, which is Yuki and Queenie. Yuki I understand, but Queenie? I asked Qi Han, and he said her results not bad. Maybe she is a loser for the new format. Haha, not funny. I've never passed a chinese test last year, so beat it. And Sharon betted with a teacher if she did not buy the chinese workbook by Monday, she would pay for 100 books. One book is roughly 3 bucks, 100 books is 300 bucks. Good luck Sharon, you had better buy a book.
On the way home, Kingston thought of a name to call ourselves. The five horseriders, though I prefer "The Usual 5". We had lotsa ideas, but parted ways when he reached his block.
When it was time to visit, Kingston met me, and I told him he should jio Queenie cause with a King, there should be a Queen. Lol. Melvin's house was a disaster, mine was worser, with Kingston breaking a cup and gambling. Bah. Jia Hao's father was really nice, after we visited his house, he gave us a ride to Ming Han's house. I had the most spacious seat, cause Jia Hao's father insisted I sat in the front. The rest had to squeeze. Ming Han's house was the quickest visit, cause it was late.
Why Melvin's house was a disaster? Cushion fight. I'll show you a formula. Jiahao ---> Kingston = dead Esther. Why? Jiahao threw a cushion to Kingston, and Kingston used the cushion to whack Esther. Simple concept. Then on my way to my house. Jovene, You seriously need new glasses. You can ask other's where I stay, when I am RIGHT in front of you. Gay. Then, I climbed the stairs all the way to the 9th floor, while the rest took the lift to the sixth floor, and climbed 3 floors. Upon reaching my house, they ate then played "Ban Luck". Play play play, until my relatives came. My mom cooked vermicilli, and the rest ate it before continuing. Then suddenly, after the meal, game resuming, someone took my fifty cents. Fine. Then I forgot what Jovene did, then suddenly Kingston crashed a glass. The rest moved into my room and continued there. After that, on to Jia Hao's house. We watched abit of Tv, and someone mentioned why this year got girls. Then Jia Hao said "Ah Pa said he wanted girls to visit." Taadaa. Then talk talk talk, until talking about how to go to Ming Han's house. Jia Hao's father offered to give us a ride, and upon wearing his glasses, and saying "I'm ready.", we laughed. Lol. Then to Ming Han's house, my bag was abit wet. Then I found out that one orange had burst, and my bag was dirtied. Lol. Then climbing all the way to the fifth, with occasional stops to press the up button on the third and fourth level. Then fast forwarding to the end, where I chionged a cab with Qi Ying and Esther.
Of course, there are memorable things that happened.
But I'm not to mention them, lest someone gets angry. Bah.
There are also much more things I want to say, but I'm friggin tired.

Same time, same channel, blueundies.blogspot.com.
Just visit me. *winks*

How I spent my Birthday

First of all, I'm emphasizing that it is my birthday, and I'm trying not to make a big hoo ha out of it. Just that there are a few extra things that happened, and I'm not expecting them to happen everyday.
First thing in the morning, my sister was taking the newspaper whacking the lizards that ran past the altar. I thought it was a cockroach, but it was a lizard. Bah. I was mentally prepared for something, which I am mentioning later.
Second thing, I was on the way to school, not meeting the "King", cause he was ps-ing me to meet Ying Ting, Angelina and Jia Hao. Boo la, Kingston. Ying Ting gave me a present, which Angelina claimed to have a share. I didn't care, it was my first birthday present in years. I was happy like shit. Jia Hao warned me about booby traps, and I was aware, really.
Third thing: Recess, hell for me, heaven for Nick, Hidayat, Kingston and Iskandar. Kingston and Nick took a long time to start the ball, and Mr Kenny Tan was aware. Nick EVEN asked him to join in, but he can't cause he is a teacher. So they dragged me outside the class and whacked the fuck out of me.
Fourth thing: After school, Aslam joined in the fun, and then Jia Hao and Ming Han soloed me. Lol. The bash wasn't very.. enjoyable, but still nice. It proves my existence in class. Thank You.

Ming Han, I'll like to tell you a fact. Guess I better replay the scenario, lest you get confused.
Ming Han: Kai Kai.
Kai Hui: Fuck la.
Ming Han: Ok.
*Kai Hui smiles in the heart a little, before Brenda walks over spouting a bunch of vulgarities*
Brenda: Kaninabei chao cheebye etc etc etc
I'll explain the whole thing, in case you misunderstand. Ming Han calls Kai Hui in a affectionate way, and Kai Hui likes the way, judging from the way Ming Han explains it. Brenda then butts in, scolds Ming Han, like she has a crush on him or she is Kai Hui's guardian.
And her smile, Ming Han, is like.. when you say "Ok", she wants it. Just that, physically she doesn't want it, but mentally she wants it. So walk right up to her, tell her to imagine herself naked, then you, and imagine that something is plunging into her vagina. If anyone reads this content and feel offended, especially the people mentioned in above, you don't have my deepest condolences. Ming Han is a nice guy, just that he has erotic thoughts most of the time. But he is a devoted guy, grab him bitches.

Band day.

Today was band day. When I went for my morning work out in TAF, I was wondering around the school aimlessly in the morning. I don't know where the teacher is, and taadaa.. I saw some Band members in their uniforms. In fact, all of them are in their uniforms. I was thinking, why move the equipment/instruments? Then I remembered that it was Wednesday, where the Band members blow the Anthem fast fast and School song fast fast. Then I don't know what happened, and let's fast forward the day to assembly. I want to add the fact that when I reached class, Qi Ying had started her losing streak. I shall comment about this later.
Assembly. All band members are there, waiting to blow/play the things they are supposed to do. Then Mr Neo gave a very inspiring speech which doesn't concern majority of the students. I shall summarise what he said, and basically, he meant "No Chairman = die. You cannot live without a chairman. You will suffer antagonising pain and torture if there is no Chairman." See? I summarised what he said in a few words. Then, the band started playing their songs. I wanted to sleep, but the blaring music/noise kept me awake. Now I understood why the band has never got gold. Too many children folktale songs and blah. Then there was this Goldilocks thing and the guy who was narrating was too soft. LOL. Then came the last song, which was much better than the previous ones. I must say that the clarinet people really have no coordination. Seriously. One turned, the other was in some godforsaken direction. Zzz. There was this teacher conducting shit, and Miss Kaur was the lucky one. Then it was another myriad of folktale songs, which were all jumbled up.
If I'm not wrong, Miss Ho was flirting with the conductor during assembly. Again, I would like to stress that Ming Han would make a better conductor. There's a "intempo 8" this year, and I still have "intempo 7"'s ticket. Here is a picture, in tatters. No before and after to compare, so settle with the after.
*scanning and uploading in progress...*


Here, it's rare ok? Then there was this problem with Melvin. Rumours say that his face matters more than Tricia. Then he said Angeline's stare was terrifying, enough to make a devil cry. Omg, Melvin, you better do something about this. 11 tables away. Scary. He was quiet the whole day.
Maybe I shall do a post on how to go on dates, while chasing the "extra" away. Then steads can make out in peace. *Twist*